Sunset at Noon: The Enduring Fatigue

I have been struggling a lot the last few weeks. At first, I attributed it to the pressure of all the work I had to get done in so little a time. But as morning dawned today, it became a little clearer, part of what all the exhaustion and listlessness has been about.
March is usually a difficult month for me. It’s the month where I remember two people who were close to me that passed on in their prime. And this year, a third person has been added to that list. What hurt about Bukky’s death was knowing that even though we were classmates, we became really distant after school such that when she took ill and passed on, I didn’t hear about it until she had been buried. That knocked me out for a bit.
Stephanie said to me “you’ve been lazy lately. You usually like to cook but all I’ve seen you eat is fries and pancakes. What’s wrong?” I laughed and said nothing. Because the kind of fatigue I feel is one I cannot even begin to explain. I thought that clearing out a number of tasks would ease whatever stress I was feeling and put me in a better place but unfortunately, it hasn’t.
Today makes it 2 years that Kay has been gone.
I remember his handsome face on that long frame of his. I refuse to forget how he took me and my little brother swimming and how mum freaked out. I refuse to forget how he got me my first cell phone and all the long hours we spent talking about goodness-alone-knows-what. I refuse to forget how we danced to Faze’s “Kolomental” at Ifeoma’s wedding and how everyone was in stitches, watching my absolutely ridiculous dance moves. And I refuse to forget that slight bass that was in his voice and in his laughter.
Tomorrow will make it 4 years since Ribadu passed on.
I remember his laughter and tease, the numerous times we danced in the chapel together, the fights between our units where he always played arbitrator, that smile that was never missing from his face and that twinkle that was always in his eyes whenever I called him “Ribadu my love.”
I will remember Bukky for her kindness. I will remember her for her amazing humility with a dash of stubbornness and I will remember her spirit that remained strong and unbroken in spite of all that assailed it.
If there is one thing I am really, truly afraid of, it is losing those I really love. But like one of those people said to me, I will endeavor to remember that death comes to us all and I will do my best to make the most of the time I have to spend with those who are yet living.
Song of the day- Oceans (Where feet may fail)|Hillsong